Absolutely ROOned

God damn it Shrek, you had to go and sign a new contract. Had a whole write up about how City will now officially be the biggest team in Manchester.

It's only a matter of time.

City will finish above United this season. Whether that's second or third I am not quite sure yet.

But seriously, you ruined all the fun I was going to have at United's expense. Lest we not forget that Ronaldo signed a new contract the year before he bailed for Madrid.

Maybe you will still jump ship and fuck off to Euro... who the fuck am I kidding you wont go anywhere that would require learning a foreign language, you barely speak English(I'm being generous, I know).

So that rules out Spain, Germany, and Italy. Where you going to go, the MLS? Join Rangers in the SPL? Don't think so bub. Your options were Chelsea, but you wouldn't do well in the capitol, or City and even your dumb ass realized what a bad and dangerous decision that would be.

The creative bug hit me earlier and I decided to find a way to express through poetry what a great person you are. Here are a couple of limericks to brighten your spirits, not that your new wage packet of 160,000 pounds per week wont do the trick.


Shrek you filthy scum,

Hiring nasty hoes for a hefty sum.

The word is your skills are legendary,

Hey dead fish don't find these comments incendiary,

You're just a granny-shagging bum.






Rooney you dirty Scouse,

Stay outta my Granny's blouse.

Flirt with City,

You won't get any pity,

They'll burn down your fucking house!


You are welcome, and know that those come from the heart.

It seems as though it is a prerequisite to becoming an England star one needs to have a complete lack of morals and be a downright cunt.*See Cashley, JT, etc.

Hopefully we can shuttle these ones out before they corrupt the younger generations.