Beer Me

Gotta love these noon-time kickoffs. It's a little old-fashioned, but I'm drinking MGD tonight in the hopes that Munich Go Down (thanks to Scar i might even get my wish...). By the way, is anyone else NOT surprised that Ribery had to pay for it?

[if you don't know what i'm talking about: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1267201/French-footballers-Fanck-Ribery-Sidney-Govou-questioned-child-prostitutes-scandal.html ]

. . .

P.S. This video got me thinking, why doesn't football have better halftime entertainment? If there's anything that America can bring to the table, it's that. First MLS, then the world. How awesome would it be to watch a guy nail a bicycle kick off of a trampoline? Just try and tell me you don't want to see that...

You Stay Classy...

EPIC FAIL.

Showdown at the Lane

In a few hours time, the Spuds will line up against Arsenal at the Lane in one of the most crucial North London derbies in recent history. They tend to always be cracking games, with some of the best on display here.
Each team has everything to play for, with Arsenal's title aspirations hanging by a thread, and Tottenham's Champion's League push facing a severe test in the coming week. Both squads are depleted due to injury and this should be Van Persie's first match back from injury. he should start on the bench.
This match could be a goalfest, I expect it to be an open game with plenty of chances. Realistically I could see the points going either way, with a draw the most common result at the Lane in recent years(7 draws, 2 Arsenal victories in the last 9).
I am completely unbiased when I make my prediction.


Considering that in the last decade John Terry has impregnated more teammate's exes than there have been Tottenham victories over Arsenal in the league, and that the Spuds were run ragged for 120 minutes on Sunday in their embarrassing loss to Pompey in the FA Cup, I am expecting to see more scenes like this in the near future.


Quick update: Forgot to mention 'arry's twitch. The Arseblogger reminded me of a great video of traveling Arsenal fans doing their best impressions...

Sweet Sorrow

A sad parting indeed. May the Blue Army rise again.

El Clasico and more: why I can get plenty of sleep before

Let me start by saying that my commitment to follow La Liga this year has been woeful. I believe the quality of football there in Spain is second only to England, and I would regularly see more entertaining matches with great bits of skill and impressive goals.
Unfortunately my shitty cable company do not carry Goltv, who have the majority of the La Liga coverage here in the States. This would not be such a big deal had I not been afforded the luxury for the past several years. I would lie in bed on a Sunday morning(albeit a bit groggy) and be able to watch the marquee Premier League match and flip to a Bundesliga match at will. Always to follow would be either a Real Madrid or Barcelona match, the programmers knowing who to show if they want to get viewers(FSC take note). The pleasure of watching Ole! after the review show is something I sorely miss, and I am being robbed of this beauty by the inability of my cable provider(Champion) to offer me legit programming, not to mention a better selection in HD. And what the fuck is this semi HD shit that FSC keep boasting? The video quality is better but is by no means good HD quality, I don't know who they think they are fooling.
On "The" channel this morning we have the pleasure of being graced by the lovely football of Hull City and Burnley FC. I know some people will argue that this is a classic relegation battle six pointer, but personally I could give a fuck less about either of these clubs and the shit brand of football they play. I know Burnley used to play but that seems to have left as soon as Owen Coyle broke for the door. If only this match were on Halloween we would have a couple great characters.
On Hull we have The Mask(Bullard), and no I am not talking about the Jim Carrey mask, I mean Rocky Dennis.

A face only a mother could love.

Then we have Chris (Angel)Eagles lining up across the pitch.


I digress, but thanks to programming like this I get to sleep in until the Villa Chelsea FA cup semifinal match, unless its as bad as their recent Premier League encounter which will find me slipping back to sleep faster than John Terry's mom could steal your coat... ouch. Alright, not my best but she is still a miserable cunt.


This Clasico promises to be full of passion and drama and I expect to see an enthralling game. Maybe not the 6-2 demolition we saw in a similar contest last season, but at least 4 goals and the two best players in the world trying to upstage each other on one of the biggest stages. Ronaldo came up second best in the Champion's League final last season, and my money is on Messi to upstage him again, but nobody will know til its over, hopefully it will be a debate worth arguing.

Fear the Wounded Animal

On the eve of the biggest match of the season, Arsenal fans everywhere have plenty to worry about. As the resident Gooner, I am a bit apprehensive about the return leg at the Camp Nou. But I believe this team can make history, a dangerous squad that is capable of pulling off something special.
Arsenal come into this match missing the entire spine of the team, straight up the middle. Our most experienced CB in Gallas, Song and Fabregas in the middle of the park, and Arshavin and Van Persie up front. Take that much quality out of any big side and it is hard to expect to get any type of result in a big match.
A full strength Arsenal squad wouldn't be expected to walk out of Barcelona with a victory, now most would think they have a snowball's chance in Hell. Up until recently, I would agree with this assessment. This squad has come along in leaps and bounds this season and has shown the grit and resolve to get the result. As frustrating as the Wolves match was this weekend, they got the goal, and more importantly the result. Recent performances against the likes of Stoke and Hull go further to demonstrate that quality that everyone tends to praise Man United for in recent years, to grind out a result and win matches even when not at their best.
Barcelona should progress through this tie, but need to be wary of the danger Arsenal possess.
The Gunners have traveled to Barcelona with hope, but not expectation(outside of their squad at least). I have spent the past few days listening to pundits write them off and who knows, maybe they are right and Barca will have their way with them. But one would be foolish to neglect the danger they pose to Barca's dream of repeat Champion's League glory.
The squad must know that everyone has written them off and the effect that could have may be massive. It should give them the freedom to go and chase the game, take it too Barcelona and give them a run for their money. I believe that the Arseblogger said it best, go out there and make yourself Arsenal legends. There is nothing for them to lose and the match is their's for the taking. Barca will be missing important players as well and I believe their back line will be very susceptible to pace and I have the utmost faith that Arsenal can get goals in this match, the real question being as to whether they can keep them out...

For this dream to be realized, the team must have a massive performance from everyone, with these players being the key to our chances:

1. Samir Nasri


Wenger has already stated that he will be slotting in for Cesc and hopefully he can have another inspired performance in the middle of the park similar to the Porto match. His eye for the pass and inspiration on the ball will be key for the Gunners to have any chance.

2. Thomas Vermaelen


Our rock at the back. The best signing in the premier league this season. I dare you to find better. His tenacity and drive will keep his teammates up. It wouldnt surprise me if he were to score tomorrow, it would be fitting and deserved. Thomas encapsulates everything you want to see in your team, and hopefully he can take another step towards legendary status with a performance for the ages.

3. Theo Walcott


With the Barcelona defense lacking several first choice options at the back his pace should terrorize Maxwell and whoever lines up in the center of defense all day. Guardiola has already identified him as a danger man and hopefully he can have a performance reminiscent of his showing against Burnley last month.

4. Nicklas Bendtner


Our only fully fit center forward will be key to our success. Let's hope his profligacy in front of goal has been left on the plane and that whatever pink or yellow boots he wears are his shooting ones. Although he is often guilty of bad misses, he has been popping up recently with big goals, last minutes winners against Hull and Wolves. Although i didn't think he had a great game against Barca last week, a lot of his team play gets overlooked. He assisted Theo's opener with a great slide-rule pass and set up Cesc for the penalty opportunity. Hopefully after this match hr can finally discard the Barn-door Bendtner form and earn the much better Big Game Bendtner label he would prefer.

I will be disappointed with a loss tomorrow but as long as they show the spirit and fight of true contenders I will be happy with the boys. More mesmerizing football hopefully in store for us in merely hours. The stage has been set for another footballing spectacle, and I for one believe they will deliver. Come on you Reds!

Top 5: Reasons why the MLS is unwatchable

After a long season of European football, it's finally time for America's age old pastime to begin... and it's the beginning of the MLS season.

As an American, I am proud to say that I hate MLS, and here's why:

5) Alexi Lalas

How anyone this incompetent could GM for not one but two teams is flabbergasting. Is that even a word?...It doesn't matter, it's how I feel. Nothing is more frustrating on the planet than the fact that every time mainstream America needs to trot out a soccer expert, guess who shows up. I mean, c'mon. Is this really the best we can do? What about Temryss Lane? At least she's hot. What about Wynalda?At least he's... alright, you got me there. Picking between those two is like one of those 'what ifs' like, what would you rather do, have sex with a sheep or a goat? (personally, i'd go goat. i don't know why, but i would...)

4) The Club Names

I could go on about stuff like how they insist on calling the pitch a field, or a President a GM, or a club a team... but that's small potatoes. I could go on about how no drunk (real) football fan could possibly root for a team with a name like "The Kansas City Wizards." (by the way, the original name of this team was the Wiz... can you believe that? Like, a bunch of people sat in a room and agreed that "Wiz" was the best choice. Was there Acid involved?) But what I really can't stand is rip off names like "Chivas USA" "Real Salt Lake." I mean, really? You're just going to copy the name of another club? Why not just go all the way? How about "Real Madrid Salt Lake"? That has a nice ring to it. Gosh, I should take Don Garber's job.

3) The Officials

This really shouldn't be so high on the list. Honestly, the horrible officials in MLS is one of the only reason to WATCH the games. It's kinda fun in a 'what will they do next?' kind of a way. Two penalties in 30 seconds? (like last Thurday...) Sure, why not. Go nuts. I think these guys should be working the WWE (are we sure that they aren't?). It's no surprise the US hasn't sent a ref to the World Cup since 2002.

2) Over-the-hill European players

Claudio 'I am the most useless man alive' Reyna? Freddie 'my back is worse than Mr. Burns's' Lungberg? Denilson? (I don't even have a joke for him. I kinda don't remember who he is actually...) It's like we're the little brother and we're supposed to get excited about the hand-me-downs we get from big bro. ( Sorry, but a mid-90s grunge T-shirt isn't really my thing...) It's not like these guys come over at the tail end of their career. They come over AFTER the tale end during the sad 'this guy is ruining his legacy' period of there career. Think MJ and the wizards...

[i'm sorry Claudio, but because of what you did against Ghana i will always hate you. always. always...]

1) The Commentators

If I ever decide to kill myself, the most likely cause will be that I accidentally watched some FSC soccer saturday coverage of MLS. I don't know their names, I don't care. These guys suck. They are terrible people and yes, I want them to die. Stop telling me the obvious and actually give some useful information. And stop acting like lumping the ball upfield is a good play. God, I hate you. I HATE YOU!!!

....

[All that said, I really really really hope the MLS is good some day. I really do. I even might go to a few Galaxy games this year... Especially since I hear the Temryss has been know to make an appearance or two.]

[I love you Temryss.]

UEFA Champions League quarterfinals, first leg round-up

In the aftermath of the quarter-final first legs, I would ask one to remind me of a better sequence of matches in two days in the Champion's League, at any point, let alone first legs of a tie. Each tie still hangs in the balance, not a fixture done and dusted. The brand of football seen world-wide in the past three days(yes, I am including the Europa League) has been some of the best football I have seen in recent years. The level of play and some of the drama witnessed reminds all of us as to why we follow the beautiful game.
Many are calling the match between Arsenal and Barcelona one of the best of all time. The match had everything one could dream of: beautiful flowing football, lightning fast counter attacks, last-ditch tackles, great saves, beautiful goals, extremely consequential bookings, and to top it off late drama, injury, and a penalty kick. Sets us up for a bit of a let down in the second leg, no? The bar has been set so high anything but a footballing masterclass will be a disappointment, yet I am optimistic that it will not disappoint. My good friend Nacho will be around to break down that fixture in the next couple days, look forward to it.
The end all is that not a tie is dead and buried and there is still everything to play for. It would be easy to pick Barcelona, Inter, Lyon, and Manchester United to get the job done in the second leg, but I wouldn't put my money on these four advancing. There is much work to be done and I expect plenty of drama next week before it is all said and done.
As Mr. Cleo predicted, Rooney has inevitably picked up an ankle injury and looks set to miss a least four weeks, seriously hurting United's chances in the UCL, not to mention their Premier League title ambitions. Then we look at an equally as big if not more important injury to Cesc Fabregas in Arsenal's match against Barca. Both players' seasons are in jeopardy with only Rooney looking to possibly figure before the end of the season with both players thinking their World Cup prospects jeopardized as well.
Chelsea fans must be considering themselves a bit lucky to have been knocked out of the champions league in the round of sixteen, having seen both their title rivals losing their most influential and best players respectively. The title lies in their hands and they can make a statement this Saturday by beating a Rooney-less United. The season has taken another interesting twist and one can only look eagerly ahead to the coming week for more of the magic to unfold.
The 4:45 AM kickoff will come too early for those of us who don't plan on sacrificing our Friday nights, but wake I shall to see this top of the table clash, albeit bleary eyed and hazy to get to the pub and relish the atmosphere. The match will be aired live here in the States on ESPN 2.

Mr. Cleo's Premier League Predictions

Hello all… Welcome to my first post here at The Morning Pint. This is truly an honor for me. Football (or soccer for all you ruffians…) has always been a passion of mine so it’s a pleasure to let loose my unique talents, shall we say, on all you rabid readers.

Before I go on, I want to explain a few things. First of all, Yes, my wife is Mrs. Cleo, and Yes, she is the most gifted Psychic in the world. Second, Yes, I am Psychic as well, not a overpoweringly so as my dear wife but talented indeed. And Third, Yes, Mrs. Cleo is a tiger, or tigress as it were, in the sack.

Now that that’s out of the way, to the business of this first article:

Who will win the Barclays English Premier League this year?

I’m rubbing my crystal ball. Ahhh…. Yes….. I’m rubbing it some more… Ouch….. Cheeky crystal ball. That’s better… It’s all becoming very clear. Yes. There we go. I’m seeing a color. It’s distinctly red. Yes. Definitely red. The winner of the league this season will be…

Wait. Hold on. That’s not very exciting is it? You don’t just want to come right out and tell you, do you? A little bit of foreplay perhaps?

I’ve always favored a scientific approach. I don’t just predict blindly, I always try to get as much info as I can before I make a prediction. So let’s say we look at the 3 champion hopefuls and their remaining schedule before we continue…

1) Manchester United Current Spot: 1^st Points: 72

Remaining fixtures: Chelsea (H), Blackburn (A), Manchester City (A), Tottenham (H), Sunderland (A), Stoke (H)

Last years team of destiny, the golden gods of England after a second Treble(not the treble, but a treble none the less, a quadruple actually, if you count the Club World Cup) under Sir Alex, who may or may not have bolts of lightning shooting out of his Arse (as evidenced by recent interviews, he certainly does have a bit of the opposite shooting from … you get it.). The team who lost the best player in the world and came out right as rain. Many predicted a lull year for United after said huge loss (not to mention a certain Carlito having his way across town) and growing Ownership issues (seen any Green and Gold lately?), but nothing could be further from what has occurred. United are in scintillating form and magic man Wayne Rooney has made Ronaldo a fleeting memory like the last time the Mrs. gave me the How’s Your Father on a week day. Improved play from Valencia, Nani, and Park (and Shrek himself) has made United a difficult cookie to crumble of late.

Looking at the fixtures, United’s pole position gives them a great advantage, especially if they win the biggest game of the season in 3 days. But looking past an emotional affair at Blackburn, a red-hot rivalry with Manchester City, and a huge Champions League impacting contest with Tottenham would be foolish. This is a tough run in to be sure and many questions come with it. Can this team stay healthy? What happens if Rooney goes down? Can either big four hopeful down the fat lady? Will Sir Alex punch a fourth official in the face? Difficult questions indeed.

2) Chelsea Current Spot: 2^nd Points: 71

Remaining fixtures: Manchester Utd (A), Bolton (H), Tottenham (A), Stoke (H), Liverpool (A), Wigan (H)

The Blues. From Russia with love… and oil money. Fat Frank, Diddier ‘Diddy’ Drogba, Suilemon Kolou, and, last and certainly least, John ‘the worst human being imaginable yet England captain for nearly 4 years’ Terry. What a team. The pre-season favorites for the title have had a decent season, their first under Carlo Ancolotti, a man who looks like Robin Williams compared to Avram ‘the undertaker’ (love that nickname!) Grant, but a unfortunate loss to Jose ‘the Special One’ Mourinho’s Inter Milan has this team in a bit of a funk.

For Chelsea, it all comes down to this weekend’s game. Beat United. Beat. Beat. United. If they do, they can win. If they don’t, well… let’s just say Carlo might be drinking like Robin Williams soon enough. Difficult away matches at Tottenham and Liverpool will also make things sticky for the Russian Mob.

3) Arsenal Current Spot: 3^rd Points: 68

Remaining fixtures: Wolves (H), Tottenham (A), Wigan (A), Manchester City (H), Blackburn (A), Fulham (H)

The Gunners, the pretty boys of football with the Professor at the helm. The kids. Nobody plays prettier football with Arsenal, but do they have the steal to get six results? Even one against mighty Fulham? (you are welcome Captain America…) Can Francis pull enough strings? Can St. Nick finish 1 chance in 4 instead of 10? Will Theo play himself onto England (or off like he did last week)? Will Arshavin and Vermaelen once and for all that they are two of the world’s best? I’ll spare you more about this team, my dear friend Lord Nacho will be more than happy to fill that void in the coming days… but looking at their run in, this is by far the easiest.

3 great teams. 3 very different schedules. I’m rubbing my crystal ball again…

Will it be Chelsea?

…No. It will not. The most difficult run in, and.. hm…. Despite a win at United next weekend… there simply is not enough magic in this team without Mr. Essien in the line up. A difficult year for a first timer Ancelotti. Welcome to the league guido.

Alright then, two left, both wear red. Who should I ask about first? Fin Nacho, here we go…

Will it be Arsenal?

...YES! Very interesting. They won’t be too distracted by an incredibly attractive Barcelona tie? …Wow, you’re saying that they are actually going to learn from it? They’re going to learn how to use style to impose your will on a game? If you say so… So they’re going to take 14 points of 18 remaining. That’s going to be enough? Really? …Wow.

But what about United?

What? Rooney is going to get hurt and miss atleast 2 of these games, preferring to play in the Champions League? What? Dracula is not good enough to be depended on at the end of the season. What? There are no other strikers good enough on this team? But what about Gabriel Obertan? You’re right, that was just a joke… That’s fine, but what of Sir Alex? …Goodness. Hm… You’re right, I won’t say anything about that for now… but what about the youth of Arsenal, surely they can’t be…

Uh oh. The Mrs. is home. I’ve got some dishes to attend to.

…

Until next time. I see another conversation in our future.

[note: this article was written before the injuries to Rooney and Fabregas in the UCL...]